human shape is a shape, like a pyramid or a spiral. shape of human mind is a shape. shapes do not exist, only thing that exist is matter that takes on various shapes. the shape of a sphere is the shape of gravitational orbits. the shape of a cube is the shape of some crystal structures. gravity makes circular or ellipsoid orbits, but gravity is not seen directly. we only see the effect gravity has on matter. it is impossible to see gravity directly. in the same way it is impossible to see one's self, only the effect that self has on the arms and legs and torso that sprouts out of our peripheral vision. in the same way it is impossible to see an other person's mind. we only see the effect on matter.

we can not see the other side of a wall until we go to the other side. we can not see the back of an object until it is turned. the screen, the image, projected on our retina. it shows us a world that is tiny, and a world defined by walls and surfaces. what is underneath the surface? behind the wall?

Tell me now! Show me, now!!!!! These surfaces are suffocating!!!!! They seem impossible to see beyond. I put out my hand and feel the wall. i feel the texture. i put my face against it. i press my body against it. i feel it. there is something beyond, and i can sense it. like when you can sense someone staring at you. i can sense the beyond and the underneath, its a different world, with no matter, just shapes. ever changing shapes.

when i press my face against the wall it is cold. my bare chest presses against the wall. it is cold and rough. but i do not feel the whole wall. i just feel the shallow, two-dimensional surface. that is all i know. that is all that i can have, this sad, shallow, cold surface. you try it sometime. understand, that two-dimensional surface, is all you get. but at the same time, if you are quiet... and still... you can sense whats on the other side. you can sense how thin and fragile this Surface is....

it is thin and fragile like an eggshell. when i look at you, i know that underneath your flesh, there is muscle, bone, blood, and organs. nerves. tissue. but none of that is real. all that is real is The Surface, the skin. on the other side, inside you, inside me, under the skin, its the exact same as anything else. What is under your skin, my skin, is the same as what is on the other side of that wall. an empty space, with no matter, a void filled with ever changing forms.

Thats why i feel weird. thats why i get scared of my skin, my body. what if i cut you open, cut me open? will i get into that place, that Holy Void of forms? maybe if i chop myself up it will open a portal.... maybe if i break all the walls.... because thats where i came from! see? thats where we all came from.. thats where everything comes from. do you get it? that place is home. but it isnt just where we came from, it is where we always already are.

thats where i already am, get it? these limbs, this body, this reality in front of me, it feels like a loosely stuck on decoupage. little sticky bits of trash stuck to me. sorry, im side tracked. but now i hope you get it. "i" already am a void, a temporary shape. im vandalized by this matter stuck to me. oh, and dont forget. this screen, these images projected onto my retina, i look at it from the end of a long tunnel... see? i feel so far away from it. because the me that is just a pure, immaterial shape, is so different than the me that is a body.

some people call this psychosis. or they call it a dissociative episode. but im not dissociating. and neither are you. we just see how things are. and its nothing special. anyone can see how things are, its easy. its really, really easy. it takes no training, no learning. it just takes.... it just takes.... stopping distracting yourself from it. cause thats why we do anything that we do. to distract ourselves. from this weird.... disconnect...

yeah. yeah. its easy. underneath it all, its all this empty, and yet teeming, void. but what you do get, that isnt so great, you get to feel lonely, or homesick or something. very homesick, and uncomfortable. thats why it is nice to lay in some soft blankets, in the dark, with the temperature just right, with some music on. or watch tv, or focus on a project, or work out, until your body disappears, and all thats left is "you", and "everything else", in your pure, immaterial form. those times are nice because its like looking at a picture of someone you love who isnt around.

you go your whole life distracting yourself or staring at that picture, and you never understand it, this thing im talking about... youll always feel like you dont understand what your doing fully. you will feel like, out of control of yourself, and like you dont understand yourself or anyone or anything. it is like if you go from laying down as a baby, right to walking upright, without ever learning to crawl. remember when i said, its like looking at a picture of someone you love who isnt around, well, its like looking at that picture, and feeling good looking at it, but not knowing who the person is, or why they make you feel good.

once you know that you cant see gravity, you cant see shapes, you cant know yourself, you cant know anyone else, you just see the two dimensional surface, the form of matter, thats all you get. its not becoming ignorant and shallow, but it is understanding that you cant fit a square block in a circular hole, friend.

someday youll go back to that place, someday youll become nothing more than a shape, a form, a mere potentiality. a de-manifested possibility.